9 Years of Grief - Gavin's Mother Shares His Story
Updated: Apr 29
By Danielle Yeager
(My friend, Danielle, lost her healthy full-term baby boy Gavin due to the negligence of a lay birth attendant. I followed the Facebook page she created in his honor, and we finally met at a birth summit in the summer of 2019. Danielle created the Discussion of Birth YouTube channel to continue to spread information about healthy pregnancies and evidence-based birth choices.)
I didn't know babies died preventable deaths and I didn't know they were being completely covered up by not only the people that have caused these situations to happen but from people that do not want to face the reality of what is going on. People all over the world would rather delete it, cover it up, and turn their heads to pretend this doesn't happen. But all that does is create more death because nothing changes. It is a cycle of endless preventable deaths, and the only ones dealing with it are the families left without their babies.
I never thought I would make videos to share on YouTube to try to reach others to save the lives of other babies. I never thought this would be the life that I live, but it is.
My reality is that I should have a 9-year-old son that would be in 3rd grade right now. A lifetime without him that grows with each passing day.
This month is the worst month. It's not just a due date that was missed or a day my son, Gavin, was born. It was the whole month leading to everything that happened to him. The misinformation, the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the deceit, the betrayal. She did it all to my face while grinning.
Looking back, I see all the ways she controlled us, so we wouldn't reach out for help. So we had to believe her and trust only her. The way she would create fears and then twist them to fit us in a line that she wanted us in. We never had informed consent, hell, we never had informed anything. We were being told nothing but lies and bullsh*t.
Anything so she would get the birth that she wanted for us. Because it was never about us. Never about taking care of us or keeping us safe. It was always about herself with making money and being in control over us.
I look back and think why did I ever let this person do these things to me, why did I believe her?! The guilt of knowing that I hired her and trusted her to only be stabbed in the back and let my son die so horribly. I don't think it can ever be forgiven.
My son would be 9 years old this week.
Instead of a birthday celebration with doing whatever fun things he wanted for his birthday, we mourn him and miss him. We wish he was here with his brothers. We wish he was here with us.
There is no going back in life. Once something happens, it is done and that's it. We don't get do-overs, and we don't get a time machine. We just live with whatever choices we have made or what life has given to us.
That is why we make these videos and why we will continue to make videos. (Gavin's story begins here) Every baby matters. No one should be without their child. We shouldn't have preventable deaths happening in this day and age. It just should not be happening.
Addendum (by Karen)
There is no doubt in my mind that Danielle's videos are saving lives. The videos are short panel discussions, often including medical professionals. I have participated in a few of the videos, along with several other mothers who are passionate about safe birth. Please share the Discussion of Birth channel with anyone who wants to learn about pregnancy and safe birth.
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